Today is a new day!!

Have you ever realized when you over sleep everything goes wrong? Well, that is how my day started. I overslept by 30 minutes, then Tricia got toothpaste all over her and I had to do a last minute change of her clothes. Then I got out to my car a realized I left my purse in the house. At least I figured that out before I drove 30 miles to work. When I got to work I realized I had left some paperwork I needed for a new client at home.

Luckily my stroke of forgetfulness ended soon after I arrived at my office. I would have been in bad shape if I would have kept that up all day. I have been down in the dumps lately and I felt that way all day. Then I remembered the book I have been reading "Get out of that Pit" by Beth Moore. I am only half way through the book. The first half tells you how you keep getting down in that pit and the second half tells you how to get out and stay out. I think I will read that part about five times so that it sinks in real good!! Anyway, I am going to take myself out of the pit of darkness and try my best to rejoin the living.

So as my title states Today is a new day!! I have lots of reasons to get myself out of that pit but the most important reason is a beautiful little girl who is going through just as much as her mommy right now. So today is a new day and I am off to have some fun with my baby girl!!

Things that make you stronger!

I have always been told that I am a strong person. I never really bought in to that because I just make decisions that are the best for me and my family, or at least I try. Here is some history about me:

I became pregnant at 16 years old and married my high-school boyfriend. Shannon was 18 and had just graduated a few months before we were married. Our daughter Carrie was born six-months after our wedding. She was beautiful. We were happy for almost ten years, then things went bad very fast. I found myself all alone with a daughter to raise bills to pay and a part-time job. I started working two jobs one full-time, one part-time and I put myself through college. I graduated in 2006 with a B.S. degree in Business management/Human Resources from Limestone.

In 2002, I started seeing Billy Joe, it wasn't long before he moved in with me a Carrie. We were married march 27, 2004. I loved him so much, I still love him but I can not be his wife any longer. Billy and I had a beautiful daughter Patricia "Tricia" August 14,2004. She is my world.

Billy and I have had a troubled relationship for a long time because he drinks too much, and he has had some other issues. Things came to a point of no return on Friday Feb. 5, 2010. Billy was out of work again, and had spent the day drinking. Tricia and I came home after 7pm and I had a migraine so, I went to lay down. Sometime after 9pm Billy came into the bedroom and asked me for some money. I told him no. He stormed off. I went into the kitchen and he yelled and asked me again I told him no. Then he came at me choked me and hit me in the face, while my baby watched. She was so scared she went and hid and I had to find her. After I found her I called the police and had Billy locked up for CDV (Criminal Domestic Violence) As of today, he is still in jail.

I am not certain if I want him released or not, because I am not certain that I will be safe if he is released. He was not the man that I have loved and lived with for seven years today. He moved in with me on Valentine's Day 2003. I pray that he will turn his life around because our baby girl misses her daddy, and I hate the thoughts of her growing up without one. We will be getting divorced, but just because parents divorce does not mean they have to walk away from their kids, even if they have to see the child under supervision it is better than not seeing them at all!

I am a little scared of putting this out for the world to see, because I do not want people to treat Tricia and me different. We are still the same people, we just need a lot of prayers right now. In this small town it is only a matter of time before the arrest is published in the Gaffney Ledger and everyone will know it anyway.

Sad Momma

My oldest daughter Carrie Marie, who is the first love of my life. She is now 21 years old and definitely has a mind of her own she moved to the next town over with a friend this past November, quit college and is working at Walgreens. There is nothing wrong with working at Walgreens, I just wanted so much more for her, so is so smart and can do anything she set her mind to. Carrie was my life for most of her life, I remarried when she was 15 and gave her a baby sister when she was 16. She loved it when it was just me and her, we had a great relationship, but things went bad after I remarried and then worse after her little sister was born.

Then in November of 2008, her dad my ex-husband died. It was very sudden and took us all by surprise. It hit her very hard, after his death Carrie changed to the point we can not even have a conversation. I tried my best to remind of the good times and how much her daddy loved her. He always called her "Jackson", not certain where he picked it up, but that was his little name for her.

Anyway, Carrie has recently cut all contact off with me, she has gotten her own cellphone plan and does not want me to have the number. I am not certain of where she is living, I have a pretty good idea but that is all I have. The only way I knew to contact her was through FaceBook and she has deleted me as her friend. So now this momma who only wants to love her daughter, can only pray and LET GO and LET GOD. That is so much easier said then done.

What makes it worse is Carries is really good at picking the wrong kind of friends and letting people use her. I don 't know the people she is living with, but I do know that she moved in with them 18 months ago and they kicked her out after two weeks late at night. Now they want her back. The only thing that adds up to me is they want the little bit of money she received from her dad's estate. It is not much money and I have pleaded for Carrie to pay off her debts and to put the rest in the bank for a nest egg. Instead she is going to Finland, and taking this friend with her. Someone please tell me what is so special about Finland???

Now this momma is sad because all I want is for my big baby, my Carebear to be here in my arms, and let her momma love her, instead of crying myself to sleep and wondering if she is okay.