Sad Momma

My oldest daughter Carrie Marie, who is the first love of my life. She is now 21 years old and definitely has a mind of her own she moved to the next town over with a friend this past November, quit college and is working at Walgreens. There is nothing wrong with working at Walgreens, I just wanted so much more for her, so is so smart and can do anything she set her mind to. Carrie was my life for most of her life, I remarried when she was 15 and gave her a baby sister when she was 16. She loved it when it was just me and her, we had a great relationship, but things went bad after I remarried and then worse after her little sister was born.

Then in November of 2008, her dad my ex-husband died. It was very sudden and took us all by surprise. It hit her very hard, after his death Carrie changed to the point we can not even have a conversation. I tried my best to remind of the good times and how much her daddy loved her. He always called her "Jackson", not certain where he picked it up, but that was his little name for her.

Anyway, Carrie has recently cut all contact off with me, she has gotten her own cellphone plan and does not want me to have the number. I am not certain of where she is living, I have a pretty good idea but that is all I have. The only way I knew to contact her was through FaceBook and she has deleted me as her friend. So now this momma who only wants to love her daughter, can only pray and LET GO and LET GOD. That is so much easier said then done.

What makes it worse is Carries is really good at picking the wrong kind of friends and letting people use her. I don 't know the people she is living with, but I do know that she moved in with them 18 months ago and they kicked her out after two weeks late at night. Now they want her back. The only thing that adds up to me is they want the little bit of money she received from her dad's estate. It is not much money and I have pleaded for Carrie to pay off her debts and to put the rest in the bank for a nest egg. Instead she is going to Finland, and taking this friend with her. Someone please tell me what is so special about Finland???

Now this momma is sad because all I want is for my big baby, my Carebear to be here in my arms, and let her momma love her, instead of crying myself to sleep and wondering if she is okay.